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Question For the Brothas: Your Laws of Attraction

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  • Question For the Brothas: Your Laws of Attraction

    If you had the chance to watch the Dateline special about Single Black Women, or if you watch the news, listen to the radio, or read articles online, I'm sure you've heard the "there are no good Black men/women" rhetoric. I've heard this statement repeated over and over again. No, I do not believe there aren't any "good" Black men or women out there. But I do believe we have a serious communication problem that has become a barrier for us when it comes to establishing and maintaining loving, passionate, and fruitful relationships.

    So here's my question for the brothas...

    Many sistas out here are wondering what attracts a man to a woman. Because of the imagery and advertising we're fed on a constant basis, a lot of women believe it is mostly looks that makes them attractive. Brothas, is this true? Are you looking for more? Or a combination of things?

    So, brothas what makes a sista attractive to you? And for our married brothas, what attracted you to your Queen?

    I know there cannot be a uniform answer as the qualities one looks for in a mate will differ, but this will at least give us sistas an idea of what our men are looking for.

    ~Peace fam

  • #2
    Ma'at Hetep

    To answer your question honestly, it's a combination of things. I believe that there has to be some physical attraction but not at the beginning. Various things can attract a man but I will speak only for me. What attracts me could be something as simple as a soft voice, a walk(confident), a glance, the shape of the eyes, bone structure, attitude,etc...... The list could go on and on. The first thing that attracted me to my Queen was her walk. 16 yrs ago, while in the navy, I saw her walking down the hall. Couldn't see her face but, she walked with pride, strength, and a sexiness that just floored me. I really wasn't paying attention to her body, it was her walk. When I did finally see her face to face, it was a sealed deal for me. The shape of her eyes, smoothness of her skin, the softness of her voice along with the strength and intelligence when she spoke.

    For me it has always been a variety of things that would attract me. I guess the most important quality or attractive feature would be "RESPECT." If a woman respects herself and demands it for herself means the world. I won't lie and say I don't look at Sistah half dressed and all. I am a man and a Black Woman's body is the most physically arousing thing I have ever seen but if that is accompanied with other features(as mentioned above), watch out you may have a stalker on your hands(lol).

    Bottom line is this, there a many different things that attract Black Men to Black Women, I guess it just depends on the man. I gave just a small example of what could and does attract me. I hope that answers your question to one degree or another.

    Ma'at Hetepu

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    • #3
      What makes a sister attractive?

      What is really attractive is pretty feet. A woman's hair when it is nice and healthy, length doesn't matter.
      Physical attractions can be how she walks, stands, her curves, her cute nose, eyes or lips.

      Her voice, attitude, behavioral patterns, her emotional responses when she disagrees with something or someone.
      There will not be total agreement in a friendship or relationship or a situation. Only consideration and compromise.

      Consideration is paramount!
      This can be attractive if the disagreement and how she expresses is in context. The overall response to what she disagrees with hopefully is justified.
      What I find attractive too. Is a woman’s social circle and how well she is truly admired by her female and male friends.

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      • #4
        For me this is a very good question that is in need of a complete answer on all levels. First of all, I could ask you to rephrase this question, for in ancient Kemet they stated that in order to get a correct answer, the question must be properly posed in such a fashion as to get exactly what it is that you want.

        Is this a question for the brothers...whether they be males or men, or is this a question for men to answer? I see that you noticed the distinction....just as there is between a female and a woman.

        So right now I'll wait to see how you actually intended this question before I answer instead of assuming who it was addressed to....the Afrakan males or the Afrakan men.

        Hetep Sis !


        Comment


        • #5
          Thanks Brother K! You make a very good point.

          When asking this question, I was asking from the perspective of a sister who is not only mature, but consciousness enough to understand who she is, the purpose she has in life, and the overall role she plays within her home and community. I am also speaking from the perspective of a sister who realizes that there is a constant struggle, a struggle that we are currently fighting on all levels. In order for a sista to get to this point, a transition from being an Afrakan female to an Afrakan women had to be made.

          So, in this post I am referring to Afrakan men not Afrakan males, as there is a distinction.

          Thank you again Brother K for pointing this out! I'll be more specific next time.

          Hetep!

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          • #6
            [QUOTE=Saartje;2023]Thanks Brother K! You make a very good point.

            When asking this question, I was asking from the perspective of a sister who is not only mature, but consciousness enough to understand who she is, the purpose she has in life, and the overall role she plays within her home and community. I am also speaking from the perspective of a sister who realizes that there is a constant struggle, a struggle that we are currently fighting on all levels. In order for a sista to get to this point, a transition from being an Afrakan female to an Afrakan women had to be made.

            Can I have fun with you on this answer? I hope so. First, allow me to say this; There was a time when I realized that it was very rare to find on the inside what you see on the outside...so as such, I learned to move pass the exterior because it was only illusion and was subject to change or could be altered at any second of the day. For example: Suppose a brother met a sister who had it going on. On the outside she was everything and more that he could have hoped for. On the inside she was intelligent, a great thinker, cook, creative, cultural, a great communicator, sensitive, understanding and conscious of who we are. The brother marries her and walks the street with pride. Two days into the marriage there's a car accident and her face gets disfiguered. Would the brother still walk the street with his arms around her filled with the same joy and pride that he had before the accident?

            I had to ask myself that question also and then honestly answer it. At that time I was a male in transition and the question that I asked myself was the first question that allowed me to see at that time how shallow I was. I began to understand that all the things that REALLY made her who she was, was more than her physical. I equally began to understand that what made me who I was, was more than physical....for the physical is nothing but illusion. Only then did I begin to make the transition to manhood and actual spirituality. All the things that you mentioned about yourself would naturally attract A MAN but not a male. Now to have some fun ! :)

            So you think that you actually know who you are and what your purpose is in life, huh? I question that thought process of yours with the understanding that you are not finished growing...and as such, your purpose has not been defined or is subject to change based upon your growth and what you internalize. I equally say this because I know that it is extremely possible for just one piece of unknown information that you may receive to totally alter every thought and every direction that you may see yourself as solidly being on right now. All the same, I your answer and the energy behind it.



            Now it is I who thank you for your answer !


            Comment


            • #7
              Does She Her Father? There is absolutely no way that I could expect Her to Love ME--if She does not and Revere Her Father. That could only ensure that She is without proper foundation of House building where She lacks that critical element.

              The Temptations said it best.... 'beauty's only skin-deep', therefore what could She teach MY Sons if She doesn't know how?

              That said, is She 'bigger' than the latest social trend? Does She understand that the character of Her Children will live on-- long after the latest and coolest slang? Is She Woman enough to establish Her Own social standards within Her household--to re-enforce the character direction of Her Children?

              WE all make mistakes in relationships at one time or other in this life--and if YOU haven't yet---just keep livin'.

              But a Sista who is able to stand on Her own two feet (and even insists upon that,) is in danger of ME pursuing Her to the ends of this earth!!

              (if I were still lookin'...)

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